the wonders of life

i thought i should post the picture of my ultrasound. for those of you who don't really know how to read these things, i'll explain. the little grey peanut shaped thing inside of the big black dot is my little baby. it's crazy to think that one day that little dot will develop into my first child. it's kind of a scary thought, but i am so excited to be a mother. it's kind of nerve-racking but exciting all at the same time. I'm kind of glad, though, that John and I are living at home, so that my mom will be around to help me through the beginnings of the child's life, because i really don't know what to do with a child. I have spent a lot of time with Chrissi and Owyn which is helping me to get to know what is going on and what i will have to be doing in May when the baby comes.

so i sit here, at 11pm, and I'm getting married tomorrow. it still seems so surreal. I can't believe that I'm actually getting married. I'm not really nervous. it's more of the fact that i have to talk in front of all of those people tomorrow. That's the only thing that worries me. I know that I love John and I know that I want to be with him for the rest of my life. That's all I need to know. That's what is making me more confident going into this. I'm not having second doubts at all. I know what I want and I know that tomorrow, I will have that. I am so excited.

but i should probably get everything ready for tomorrow and actually try to get some sleep. It feels weird without John here. I haven't spent a night apart from him since December. It's so hard. I'm going insane.

until next time...